Abreu Taking Irma Frustrations Out On San Fran
There's a common term sociologists use called, The Tide of Uze. Everything that encompasses everyday life is on The Tide of Uze. Brushing your teeth, walking your dog, Jose Abreu, they're all on The...
View ArticleDaniel Tames Phillies In Lion’s Mengden
As the story goes, Daniel Mengden entered the Lion's Den Friday night with a 6.59 ERA through 17 career major league starts, and somehow left the game with his first career complete game shut out...
View ArticleAnd Teoscar Goes To….
*fumbles with an envelope, Hillary Swank stands next to me, watching on, embarrassed for me* And the Teoscar goes to...Teoscar Hernandez! Hillary Swank leans into the microphone, "Well, he was the...
View ArticleTop 40 Starters for 2017 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
So, how’s everyone holding up without baseball every day? I don’t know what to do with myself! Yesterday I wandered into a Starbucks and told the coffeerista about Marcus Stroman for 2018. Then I...
View ArticleHosmer Joins The Pads Cast, Serially
It's the Winter Meetings, Part 2: This Time Free Agents Are Really Signing. Starring as Eric Hosmer is Turtle! Starring as Wil Myers is your goofy friend from high school who now works for Enterprise...
View ArticleNL-Only, 12 Team Draft Recap or: I Drafted Ronald Acuna, Commence Exclamatory...
The other day I had a dream that Giancarlo and I were hosting a white party in the Hamptons, and I turned to Giancarlo and said, "You know who else I wish were here?" And he said, "Zsa Zsa Gabor?"...
View ArticleBaltimore Cooking Up Some Cobb Cakes
Alex Cobb woke up in the middle of October and told his significant other that he was happy to be moving on from the Rays. It was time to get out of the AL East. Sure, Tropicana Field wasn't...
View ArticlePost Draft Pickups: Finding Nimmo
The season is now just days away... We all have either drafted or are just about to and Spring training positional battles are in their death blows as expected starters have gone down with injuries...
View ArticleAcuna Or Later It Was Bound To Happen
*walking through a packed hallway, head nodding at the ladies* "What's up, chiquitas? Que paso, senoritas? Assume there was an upside down question mark in front of that question. I'm feeling...
View ArticleNicking ‘Em? More Like Smack Kingham
According to Elias Sports Bureau, Nick Kingham retired the most batters to start a game since 1961 in a debut. Elias Sports Bureau also said, "There were sixteen cracks in the 5th floor's tile...
View ArticleThat’s The Way The Cookie Crumbles
Yesterday, Carlos Carrasco went 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.95. Whew. Luckily, Carrasco was in that tier of preseason pitchers I said not to draft. You still drafted him? But I said he was like a...
View ArticleT. O’Neill Playing Kelly In Cards Reboot Of Bad News Bears
Let's see, if Tyler O'Neill is Kelly Leak, then Coach Walter Matheny is curmudgeonly happy. "Lean into the pitch, Whomever is the Cards catcher while Molina and Kelly are out!" If in this reboot T....
View ArticlePorcello Italian Pork Sandwiches The Phillies
Rick Porcello said of his catcher, Sandy Leon, "He's the best catcher I've ever thrown to. Period." It's a shame people don't end include other forms of punctuation when speaking. "I am the Red Sox...
View ArticleJays Morales High Off Kendrys Homers
Kendrys hit it? Yes he can. Blue Jays first baseman/DH Kendrys Morales homered in his fifth straight game Friday night and now has a total of six jacks in five nights! KEN-DRYS do it again!? I don't...
View ArticleC. Yelich Greets Reds With An Anagram
Yesterday, Christian Yelich hit for the cycle, going 6-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .319. Yelich has been sexier than that random porn that was released of him. Speaking of porn...
View ArticlePiscotty Be Pippin’
Briefly alluded to Stephen Piscotty in yesterday's roundup and how I'd love to the see the A's go deep in the playoffs. Do I think they will? Can pigs fly? No, though, Puig can hit deep flies, and...
View ArticleDavid’s Starting To Blow Up Dahl
You know how they say think about baseball to make sex last longer? Okay, so I was thinking, to make the baseball season last longer do we think about baseball? Maybe we think about sex. This is a...
View Article2019 Spring Training Positional Battles: The NL East
I don't pay much attention to Spring Training Statistics. You never know who the statistics are coming against. Baseball-Reference did, however, have an amazing tool last year that attempted to...
View ArticleFanDuel: The Wild Horse
It feels like the Yasiel Puig hype has already died down, as his price is falling on FanDuel. After an offseason that saw his NFBC ADP rise to 57 by mid-March, Puig's price is down to just $3,000 on...
View ArticleDahl Finally Has A Giant Peach Of A Game
Since the season started, us fantasy baseballers (<--my mom's term!) have been listening for one distinctive sound. The sound of TSSST. The sound of TSSST is not a snake with a lisp. That would...
View ArticleMy Kimbrel Town Chicago Is
Handed down through the generations from Hammurabi to Hammurabi was a code of SAGNOF. It read, "Yo, Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be?! Don't pay for saves, dem shizzes are free on waivers." It read a bit like...
View ArticleArcher Quivers As Braves Take Multiple Bows
Chris Archer (6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.73) allowed four homers to the first five hitters he faced in the 2nd inning. The only way things could look worse for Chris Archer and, specifically the Pirates,...
View ArticleLet The Gurriel Hit You Where The Good Lourdes Split You
Yesterday, Lourdes Gurriel Jr. went 3-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .304. Lourdes Gurriel Jr. is the greatest living hitter, and I'm not living in a hyperbolic chamber, while...
View ArticleMarlins Can’t Find A Light In The Paddack
The Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball says that if I put a baseball card of a player I own in a Dreamcatcher and put the Dreamcatcher under my pillow while I'm sleeping then *gulps* then the Magic Genie...
View ArticleFantasy Baseball Streamers, Week 16: Ride the Wave
This is one of those rare articles where I’ll be writing up more two-start streamers than one-start streams. With that said, there are so many pitchers that I love for this week, that I’ll provide an...
View ArticleThree’s Canompany
Yesterday, Robinson Cano went 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and became the oldest 2nd baseman to ever hit three homers in a game (and he still has 4+ years on his contract!), hitting his 7th, 8th and 9th homers,...
View ArticlePhillies Answer Question: Who Would The Mets Trade In Their Own Division?
Yesterday, Jason Vargas was traded to the Phillies. Good luck, Phillies reporters! Vargas will be the 1st player to throw batteries back at fans. "What's with that stupid grin?" Rhys Hoskins pulls...
View ArticleFantasy Baseball Podcast: Grey Albright, Alone In The Desert
Grey is alone in the desert, well that's not true. He's there with Ted his faithful, yet hateful pooch, and a few thousand virtual friends. To give the Fantasy Master Lothario some reprieve from his...
View ArticleWood Solid, Nails Down First Win
Alex Wood looked solid as oak in his second start of the year since coming off the IL with back issues and pitched six and two thirds innings allowing just four hits and two earned runs while walking...
View ArticleThe Conforto Inferno Is En Fuego
Yesterday, Michael Conforto went 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, and, like, his 43rd homer in the last month (9 homers since the break). Men, dudes, bros, youse, five lady...
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